The King's Child

I hesitate outside, He sits on His throne

And though I'm here peeking, I feel all alone.

I die to come forward and sit at His feet,

But I know I'm not worthy of such a close seat.

With full trepidation, I peek 'round the door

And see my King seated but, Oh! I want more

I want to be near Him, to see His kind face

But I know I'm not worthy of such a close place.

Oh - is He calling me? Whatever for?

Is it that I'm too close as I stand by the door?

Will He send me away, put me outside, or, no!

Will He tell me I must pack my things up and go?

But He hugs me close, gently, and He whispers to me-

"Child, I know you feel shackled, but I have set you free.

I am with you, I love you, I died for you - see,

This is the price of what you mean to Me.

My scars testify to My heart that is given

To you and all others who have been forgiven.

Now you call me Abba, and that is quite true

For I am your Father and I've made you new.

Your past is redeemed by my atoning blood,

And I loved you, see, before you understood

You are Mine and I love you, so now I implore:

Come close to Me, child, don't stop by the door!

You are My child, beloved, and I welcome you here

So come and sit close, now, and no longer fear.

You are welcome by My grace, you are not alone,

I am with you, I love you, sit near by My throne."

A prayer

O, what a silent, subtle creeping,

Not a full-blown charging, leaping,

But a slither, quiet, humble

Moving close to make me stumble.

Evil doesn't roar its name;

It whispers, chanting in my frame.

Bear me up, O Lord, lest I

Should fall, succumb, relent, and die.

Rescue me from my distressing

Hear my plea and my confessing

Answer me and make me new;

Give me life, hide me in You.

Times will change, with seasons passing

Keep me in life everlasting

Teach me joy, contentment, calm

Let Your vict'ries be a balm.

Soothe my soul in endless wonder;

Let us not be rent asunder.

Kill the creeping sin that follows.

Fill up all my holes and hollows

With the grace of Your great mercy;

Give me faith and keep me thirsty

For Your Word; in all my sorrow,

Help me look t'ward Your tomorrow.  

Walk in the Light

I travel in time with the beat of my heart

My heart that is healing, though right at the start

of my journey I felt I had no heart at all,

So cumbered and bonded it was by the wall

of my fear and destruction of self - yet I see

that from the first moment, You've been working on me.

I walk in the Light.

The Light that envelops-

I'm waiting to see, further on, what develops

The more Light You give me,

the farther I see -

O, bring it, O bring it, bring that Light to me!

Lord, You are the Light.

In Your presence I'm resting

though You bring me through paths of great trial and testing

You see everything, and You act in Your love

so, till I go to Your sweet rest up above

may I travel in time with the beat of Your heart,

Your heart that has loved me right from the start.

May I live in the light of Your life-giving grace

and find joy and contentment till I see Your face. 

Walk in the footsteps of the faith

What is the faith in which we are to walk?

Can you live so you have no empty talk?

Where are the footsteps from those gone before?

What is the faith that can heal and restore?

"The faith that is through Jesus" is in mind.

Faith in Christ Jesus, the Good and the Kind.

The same faith "our father Abraham" had.

Faith that Christ accomplished all that He said.

 Paul walked in faith under Jesus' employ,

"Preaching the faith he once tried to destroy."

He preached unity, joy, being thoughtful,

Striving together for the Lord's gospel.

Held in the mystery of faith, we hold to it.

We're kept in the faith; God brings us through it.

We love one another in the faith we've been given

Walking in faith as we look towards heaven.

My heart is a puzzle

My heart is a puzzle with unending pieces,

all different sizes I don't know in the least.

As I try to assemble this heart that's a shambles

it's all put together so infinitely.

I need an adhesive to hold me together

or else I will fall into pieces again;

but what if I let go? What if I just say no?

Does falling apart mean I've come to the end?

Is there another to put me together,

to bind up my heart with his own, carefully?

If there is, then I'm waiting for what he's creating

assured that it's beautiful, special, and free.

Behold the lie

Behold the lie my mind would seek to tell;

Devastating me with backward truth:

"Death arrives with the tolling of the bell;

You have been truly wicked from your youth!

"You are a sinner, saved by grace, but so?

Your sin is far too great for grace to grieve;

You have no hope, although you say 'credo';

It's not enough just simply to believe.

"You fail as a believer, as a friend,

You break and stumble at the slightest cause.

And you think God can love you? Here's your end!

Live your life recounting all your flaws!"

Oh, God! I need your swift rescue from me;

Save me from my lies and change my mind!

Give me renewed faith, and help me see

Your grace is greater than the sin I've left behind.

This little seed

Within the place that doubles as a home,

That soft, protective shell we call the womb,

There grows a life. God is the one who knits,

Forming each and every one in greatness

and wisdom, developing uniqueness.

We know this little seed has a Sower.

Every particular fashioned by him,

Every life precious - so how heartbreaking

Is it when we then proclaim rejection

Because some particular did not fit

What the world calls perfection?

Prayer for the mind

For all my faults,

all my imperfections,

Lord, forgive, redeem;

For all my "wisdom",

arrogant reflections,

For all my "self"-esteem,

Open my eyes to all

my grave rejections,

Kill whatever ignorance in me.

Stop all my insane, unwise deflections.

Give me open eyes.

Help me to see.

The vulnerable

Face to face, the powerful now stand,

Wrestling one another with their might.

They scoff at any weakness, hide from light,

Committing all the darkness in their souls.

They will refuse a given, helping hand;

They "have no needs", but standing, they defy;

Meanwhile, beneath their feet, the vulnerable lie,

Bruised and broken underneath their soles.

Blood ties

My Saviour redeemed my soul.

Bought me access into the family of God,

Blood ties,

Tied to God forever by the blood of Christ.

He shed it,

gave it,

drowned in it,

The physical manifestation

of His self-sacrificing love,

Poured out not for His own sake,

Given. Given. Given.

A family, a child of God

In life, and death, and life

With blood ties to God, Abba, Father,

Through my Brother, my God, my Saviour

Jesus.

Always

In Him

With Him

Through Him

Every breath;

By Him

For Him

To Him

Life and death. 

The Weight of it All

The weight of it all bears downward upon me,

Incessantly pressing my hopes and my dreams,

Carting me onward, forcing me under

To places where dark, void anxiety teems.

I look up, exhausted, wipe sweat from my brow

Another step forward, beware lest I fall-

With sudden and clarified realization

I see that I am not the bearer at all.

The weight of it all rests upon my Lord Jesus,

He takes all my burdens, the old and the new,

And all as I see this and my heart is opened,

I realize afresh that He carries me, too.

Now I look forward in anticipation,

Knowing He carries, holding me near,

The weight of it all drops right off of my shoulders

And I am at rest, with not one thing to fear.

Contrast

I am...

Admired, and deplored

Broken, and restored

Rebellious, and penitent

Knowing, and ignorant

Awake, and slumbering

Fast-paced, and lumbering

Empty, and overflowing

Stagnant, and clearly growing

Blind, and yet open-eyed

Humble, yet filled with pride

Dirty, and cleansed from sin

Done, waiting to begin

Crippled, and standing strong

Sometimes right, often wrong

Fighting, victorious

Discordant, melodious

Fresh, and fading away

Shadowed, and bright as day

Trusting, and suspicious

Content, and so listless

Sure-footed, stumbling

Climbing, and tumbling

Frightened, and unafraid

Indebted, and fully paid.

Chainless

Do you know what Christ did for you?

Do you know the cross He bore?

Do you know you are forgiven;

Purified, redeemed, restored?

Do you know why Jesus did that?

Why He came down from above?

Well, there is a simple answer:

He did it all because of love.

For love He took the many beatings

In love He wore the crown of thorns

For love He faced the hilltop, meeting

Wrath and separation; scorn

From men who did not understand

That He was dying in their stead.

In love He took the nails through hands

That healed the lame and raised the dead.

In love He cried, "Father, forgive them!"

In love He died and rose again.

So we come forward as His children

For He saved us from our sin.

Jesus Christ is Love Incarnate

Living Mercy, Mighty Grace

Apparently He thinks we're worth it;

Meager us! Finding a place

Adopted as the Father's children,

Washed and cleansed by Jesus! Free

From former stains and sin's destruction;

Chainless. Called to purity.

Their Source

I screamed for peace to fill my wants;

Got only silence in response.

I wept for love to lift me up;

Disappointment filled my cup.

I wanted joy and nothing less;

Receiving only bitterness,

I wept, and wept, and wept; and then

Met up with the Son of Man

Finding Him, I've found it all,

Peace and Love and Joy in full.

Found by Him, and called His own,

I rest in the grace He's shown.

I stand ashamed

I lie ashamed before the King

In misery and endless grief

Every accusation stings

My soul; I can find no relief.

I kneel accused before the throne

But my Defender, speaking up,

Proclaims His goodness as my own

And takes my sin; He drinks my cup.

I stand as that grace takes its toll

But the accuser wants to fight

He demands to see my record whole

He claims it is his solemn right.

My Defender gives it him;

"Read at will," is what He said.

The records are in no way slim:

My heart is filled with sudden dread.

What is hidden from that book?

What unrecorded message hides?

None! Every action, every look

And thought and word besides:

All my wrongs are written there

All my sins for all to see!

It almost is too much to bear;

He opens it; he seeks to read.

The accuser stands in silence though,

His mouth is shut, his face gone white.

He slams the book with violence now,

And shouts with every form of spite.

"I would accuse," said he, "with pride

If the words could but be read;

But every single dot inside

Is covered over with blood red!"

My Defender gives a smile.

"If only you had understood.

You accuse, yet all the while

Her sins are covered with My blood.

"My sacrifice has paid her price;

You have no case, it is all done.

She is not yours, though you entice.

She is mine, and I have won."

Morning Star

Suspended in the morning sky

A star shines light, with radiant face;

I see it and I'm filled with joy,

Contemplating grace.

The Hand which made that star shine bright

Holds me close with tender care.

'Tis haunting: I am His delight

And I find comfort there.

Breaking On My Own

I’m falling even further

Than I ever fell before

Looking through this blackness

For a glimmer of hope

I can’t believe I broke so fast

I’ll never be the same

And in the midst of suffering

I call out Your name

I’m breaking on my own

I can’t do this alone

And even though I’ve tried

I know that I

Can’t do it myself

Why does it take a stab of pain

To make me realize

I've always been this mess of junk

I still believe the lies

I am not as in control

As I would like to be

I need Your voice to bring me back

Lord, You must set me free

I’m breaking on my own

I can’t do this alone

And even though I've tried

I know that I

Can’t do it myself

Draw me to Your arms again

Remove the chains that bind me

Take the guilt I feel right now

In my weakness You find me

I’m breaking on my own

I try to do this alone

Lord, You can set me free

You wash me clean and white

You give Your righteousness to me

You say I’m Your delight

You put me back together

Your patience has no lack

And even though I am still marred

Your love shines through the cracks

I’m broken on my own

I know I can’t do this alone

You never left me

You set me free

I live by Your grace

You have made me whole

I love You more and more

I’m breaking on my own...

But no; I’m not alone

Waves

'Twas not by chance the waters stirred;

They shook, excited by God's Word.

They listen well, and rise and fall

According to the Master's call.

The waves all roll and strike the shore

Accepting what He has in store-

God! O, make me like the sea

That rises and exists for Thee. 

Plom

Look; I am broken down to despair.

For my love, my love, with face so fair,

Whose promise I had kept so close to my heart,

Remembering how she'd said we'd ne'er be apart,

Who promised she'd save me from this cruel fate,

Left without a word through the water's gate.

I could not follow; I am in chains.

I am bound to the ocean that gives me great pain.

I gave my word that the waters would stay

As I directed, so they would obey.

In exchange for my love who betrayed me down here,

I am the ocean shepherd for thousands of years.

I've spent so long in eternal despair,

For my love, my love, considered so fair,

With eyes of blue like the water's deep,

Hair so dark it could put you to sleep,

Her smile like that of the angels above,

And now I have lost her, my poor lonely love.

She waited for years for me to come back,

Eternally weathering the water's attack,

For though I thought I had the rule,

The waters took over; I was such a fool!

I am now chained to the depths of the sea,

Left to serve them eternally.

At first I thought that she would return,

But years have gone by and since then I have learned,

My love was ill placed; I now serve the sea

For there's nothing up there that's better for me.

The water sprites mock me for the love that I lost

And the promise I made that brought such a great cost.

My soul is the sea; my mind is my own.

I'd sooner see all the earth wallow and drown.

There! The water is flooding the land.

They soon will all learn of this poor lonely man

Who was left to himself in the depths of the sea,

And who has finally given in to insanity.

Wait! There she is!...Her eyes are so cheerless

They are dead and grey when once they were fearless.

I killed her; I killed her! And what's in her hand?

The key that would open my miserable bands.

She was coming back for me; Now she is gone

And I am condemned to live all alone.

Before & after

Flailing sorrows, empty words

Swarming over me in hordes

Will this torture never cease?

I am lost; I can't find peace.

Taking painful remedies

That only strengthen the disease

I kill myself; and yet I claim

That I am not the one to blame.

Pointing fingers; ruined lives

All the while my sickness thrives

To break me down, delude, enslave

Until I meet an early grave.

This lie that cuts straight to the heart

This burden has become an art.

I am an expert at this life

Of death and war, of pain and strife.

Where is hope among my being? 

...is this mercy that I'm seeing,

Wondrous love outpouring here

Consuming me; it draws me near

And I find rest: At last! At last!

...So now my former Self is past.

Evangelism

How sweet the broken, blistered feet
Of those who spread the gospel pure!
Where blood, and dust, and sorrow meet
Where love is clear, and faith is sure;
Where tears despairing, happy tears,
Or tears of trials far and near
Come together through the years
To stop and be collected here.

Our God is just; He knows our frame
that we are dust, that we are frail-
Our God is here, so we proclaim
The Good News: Onward, without fail!
Fear not the wicked Enemy;
Proclaim the truth with a brave will!
To be sure he is a flea
He can harass, but never kill.

What harm that God decrees to bring
Will come to pass, from Him above
But know that even suffering
Is ordered by His steadfast love.
God is with you as you speak
About His grace, the Gospel true
Encouragement is what you seek: 

Be encouraged! He's with you.

Contemplation

A quiet stirring nestles in my soul;

A gentle soothing, potent as the air;

A peace so great, it's fathomless and whole -

It fills me with a stillness free from care.

Such wonder this, that calms my every nerve

And contemplating now, I bow my head;

This peace is far beyond what I deserve;

It comes because He took pain in my stead.

For every lash He took, He bought me back

He paid the full price as the nails drove in

Because of Him, forgiveness has no lack

And I am separated from my sin.

I wildly hate the Self I used to be

Vile, putrid, ragged, evil, wild;

Yet now because my Lord has called to me

I am proclaimed as my Father's child.

A Holy God can't stand the deeds of men.

Constant sinful acts and thoughts entice

None is good; no single one! So then,

Because of this there was a sacrifice.

A quiet stirring nestles in my heart.

Renewed and changed, I bear the mark of He;

By His love and grace I'll ne'er depart

Christ, the Lord and Saviour, died for me.